Why I Don’t Think I’d Change Much About the Decade That Shaped Me

Every now and then, I come across articles titled “10 Things I Wish I’d Known in My 20s” or “Advice I’d Give My Younger Self.” They’ve always made me wonder, and if I’m being honest, I don’t think that I’d have much advice to give to younger Fi (or Fiks, depending on which circle you know me from lol).

Not because I got everything right, ngyabe ngiqamba’manga

But because when I look back, I realise my twenties unfolded exactly as they needed to. They were messy, exciting, heartbreaking, funny, exhausting and unforgettable, often all at once. I don’t remember them as a decade I survived; I remember them as a decade I lived. Ayyy khona bezisiwa kuma 20s, angfun’ kungasho.

It was a decade of firsts. I started my first proper job, earned my first salary and experienced the satisfaction of buying things with money I had worked for. I learnt what it meant to be responsible for myself, to make decisions without waiting for someone older or wiser to tell me what to do, and to discover that adulthood is mostly people pretending they know what they’re doing while figuring it out as they go.

I also fell in love with “the star-crossed love of my life,” the kind Hazel Grace describes in The Fault in Our Stars when she refers to Gus in her eulogy for him. Sometimes you meet someone and, despite life’s imperfections, you know your story has been permanently changed by their presence in it. Look now, we have a little human who’s obsessed with Paw Patrol and wants to be a fire fighter.

My twenties also gave me friendships that shaped who I became. Some of those friends are still part of my life today, and I cannot imagine my story without them. Others were exactly what I needed for a particular season before life carried us in different directions. Losing friendships was painful at the time, but growing older has taught me that not every relationship is supposed to last forever. Some people are companions for the journey, others are companions for a chapter, and both have value.

Of course, it would be dishonest to write about my twenties as though they were one beautiful highlight reel you saved on Tiktok.

Very early in that decade, I buried my mother.

There is something profoundly unfair about losing a parent before you even find yourself. I carried that loss with me through every milestone that followed. Every achievement was accompanied by the quiet thought that I wished she had been there to witness it, my first real graduation – creche is vibes, my motherhood journey and and and. Losing her changed me in ways I am probably still discovering.

Then, just as life seemed to be finding rhythm again, the world stopped.

COVID arrived and stole nearly three years from all of us. Plans were postponed, celebrations became video calls, and uncertainty became part of everyday life. Looking back now, it feels almost surreal that an entire chapter of our lives was lived behind masks, lockdowns and endless news updates. Yet even during those years, life continued. We adapted, we worked, we laughed when we could and somehow found ways to keep moving forward.

Perhaps that’s why I look back on my twenties with so much affection. They taught me that joy and sorrow are rarely separate experiences. They often exist side by side. One year can contain devastating loss and extraordinary love. One month can hold tears and laughter in equal measure. Life doesn’t wait for the difficult parts to end before giving you beautiful moments to hold onto.

If the first few years of my thirties are anything to go by, they have arrived with their own kind of magic. I know myself better now. I worry less about what people think. I have become more comfortable with who I am and more intentional about the life I want to build, and futhi ngifuni’mali!

Maybe every decade offers something different. Your twenties introduce you to yourself. Your thirties invite you to become that person with confidence. I don’t know what my forties will bring and I’m not in a hurry to find out.

I’m content to enjoy the chapter I’m in, grateful for the one that came before it, and quietly excited for whatever comes next.

If my twenties taught me anything, it wasn’t how to avoid mistakes or live a perfect life. They taught me to embrace life fully, because even the hardest years have a way of becoming the stories you’ll one day be grateful to tell.

Love & light 🧡